There was big gathering at my house and my ex and his family were there too. I don't know what the big event was, but they were celebrating something I had accomplished. It was the end of the night, and everyone was chilling in the living room, playing Guitar Hero and Wii bowling. Everyone had brought their pets, so there were tiny dogs everywhere. I went into my room and laid down. I wanted a nap, but the noise in the living room was pretty loud. There were two cats and a very stubborn pug on my bed. The pug lay on my chest. For some reason his presence was annoying me. I pushed him off. He held firm, like a tiny little mass of muscles stronger than mine. I picked him up and carried to the door. He yipped and growled in the quiet way a pug does. I put him outside of the room, in the hall, and he ran back in the room and jumped on the bed. I was so tired I stopped fighting.

I woke up an hour later and jumped out of my bed. My window shade was open and I became aware that my ex was outside on the terrace, sitting in one of the patio chairs, watching me. I went back into the living room. My ex's mom and sister were snuggled up on the couch. I snuggled up with them. His sister played with my hair. I told her how sad I was about losing her brother. We both cried and she said, "I know. You're such a doll!" I realized they were about to leave very soon and I hadn't spent any time at all with my ex. I rushed out to the terrace with this heavy sense of urgency, pushing past the other people on the terrace to run towards him. He looked so small. I felt crushed, like I was losing an old friend. My heart sank as I saw him in the corner, drinking vodka straight from the bottle. I hurried towards him and saw that he looked miserable. "Hey!" I shouted, trying to sound chipper. He gave me a pained look and took a long, hard swig from the bottle. He looked angry and sad. He made a snide remark, something like, "You're gonna go to Sasquatch Festival again this year? You're gonna spend like 1500 dollars."

That's all I remember.

trampy wench

Wow, a dream. Finally. I haven't dreamt in so long. I'm now in Spain for the next year. Maybe it's so awesome here I finally sleep well enough at night to dream.

As usual, it was a weird one.

I was in London, and had agreed to meet some guy in a pub, a blind date sort of thing. We met and drank and laughed and I was really turned on by his accent. After a few beers, he said "I dare you to take your shirt off and meet me upstairs." I guess my dreams include bad stereotypes where one sort of information is filtered from random movies into my brain and all British pubs are also inns that have rooms upstairs. Anyway, I was drunk and I took my shirt off right there in the pub. I heard shouts and hoots from the bar. A disgruntled old bartender, who was drying a glass, glared at me and said "As long as you're going upstairs, honey." I stumbled upstairs to an attic with a low ceiling. A middle-aged woman was in the room and gasped when she saw me. She went downstairs. I waited for the guy and started to feel silly sitting there naked. I was relieved to find clothes in the bathroom and put a shirt on. The woman came back into the room and called down the stairs to her young son that it was okay to come up now. I felt like such a tramp.

The guy finally came up and I half-laughed and half-shouted at him. Then we wrestled drunkenly, playfully. Then I fell into a deep sleep, cuddling with him.

dream on

I don't dream anymore. My dreams are dead.

When I sleep, it's so deep and desperate that I don't remember a thing. Sometimes it's because I'm drunk. Sometimes it's because I'm so tired.

I want to dream again.

crazy brother

I haven't dreamt in so long. And last night's dream was odd in my brain's typical fashion:

My schizophrenic little brother ran away from his group home again and in the course of searching for him, an officer of the law approached my mother and I to inform us that he had purchased a very high tech piece of equipment from the Russians. It was like one of those little wind-up car you push backwards to propel it forward, only it was a tiny spacecraft. It had enough umph in it to send it into space.

I saw him in a convenience store, much like the gwog. He was buying a forty ounce of some or other malt liquor. "What the hell are you doing with that thing?!" I ran up behind him and demanded. He was dragging it around on a leash. It was small and gray and shiny. It looked like a prop from a sci-fi movie, of a tiny space shuttle.

He laughed his usual drunken laughter. "I'm gonna send my soul into outer space!" He chuckled and ran outside. "But do you know how dangerous that is?!" I ran behind him.

Then he was gone and his little space shuttle remained. Curiosity got me and I put a little pressure on it and pulled it back about 20 ft. then let it go. It zipped up into the air and out of sight. Then it occurred to me that my little brother was probably inside of it.

Goat Soup

Why do I have dreams about dead animals? What f*&^ed up stuff is going on in my inner cerebrum?

I don't remember the exact details of last night's dream but I know I was having an argument with my mom and she was telling me to move out of her house. She wouldn't give me a reason, she was just being really mean to me. She made me dinner and I sat there in agony, wondering where I would move on such short notice.

"You want lamb or goat, Liss?" She asks. For some reason I go "Mmm, sounds delicious."

She brings two large soup tureens to the table and lifts one of the lids to reveal a DEAD GOAT. A tiny goat, about the size of a cat, but a goat. She lifts it out with tongs and it is black and gray and its eyes are rolled back in its head. She does the same thing with the other bowl of soup. It smells very good but it is a very disturbing image and I scream and start crying and vomiting.

Breast feeding

I had a dream that I had a baby. It was tiny and had huge brown eyes that looked like Brice's. I was really freaked out by the whole thing and everyone around me was making a big fuss and talking about how cute it was.

Some girl picked it up and said, "He's hungry, Liss. Time to feed him."

And I looked down and the baby was looking up at me with huge hungry eyes. I looked at it for a while and it looked at my chest and I finally realized what the girl was talking about. Oh no, I thought. How uncomfortable.

I didn't want to breast feed the baby. I couldn't let it starve either. It was the weirdest feeling I've ever had. I didn't want the baby and I didn't want anything going anywhere near my nipples. How do mothers deal with that? That's what the nipples are there for, I know, but it's still weird to me for some reason.

Two-faced

Basically I went to bed thinking about this very awkward dating situation last night and had a dream that we went on a road trip and he abandoned me and acted like a complete dick.

animals

Brice and I were at some banquet for I don't know what and there were ANIMALS everywhere! Every type of animal I could imagine, lined up in a row against the walls. The lady who led us in to the room showed us to our seat and pointed to the corner near a large fireplace. "You'll want to steer clear of those guys," she said, "they're pretty dangerous." I looked to where she was pointing to see a lion, tiger, jaguar, grizzly bear, and other various terrifying animals I'd never seen before. The room was filled with exotic animals..peacocks, birds of paradise, even an elephant. We sat down and started eating. Everything was so delicious. I felt like I'd never been hungrier in my life. The woman put a bowl of candy on the table that was the best candy I'd ever tried in my life. They were little fruity squares of every flavor--guava, mango, banana, kiwi, anything I wanted. I started to stuff the candy into my mouth rudely, and cramming as much I as could fit into my purse. Brice didn't budge. He was staring at the leopard that was making its way to our table. The woman (who was now at a podium) looked at us and mouthed the words "watch it!" We both climbed up on top of the table and held eachother fearfully. I continued to eat the delicious candy and we sat cross-legged on the fancy table, looking at eachother questioningly. Mmm, bubble gum flavor. We started crying and he told me about the day his dad died and how hard it was for him and his mom to drive the boat back after Daniel had drowned (for some reason, his dad had drowned to death in this alternate world, on some family outing on some lake). I told him I couldn't imagine the horror and that I was so sorry and hugged him as hard as I could.

death kinda smells like roast beef

Some kid and his friends came into our house while we had some people over and kidnapped someone. He pulled out his gun and forced this girl we knew to go home with him. After they were gone, the party continued without comment so I got pissed and stormed out, yelling "I'm gonna go get her back!" Brice ran out after me telling me it's a bad idea: "Don't worry about her, she'll be okay." and I was like "Yeah right!" and Brice got really pissed and sighed really sharply and gave me that look he always gives me that says "You are being so irrational but I'm not going to argue because unlike you, I pick my battles wisely." Then he rolled his eyes and got in the car, telling me he wouldn't let me go alone. "Lissa, are you nuts, those guys have guns! We don't have anything!" I said, "So?! We have to do something!"

At the guy's house, his mother opened the door for us, pointing a gun at us. "Oh, you've come to be heroes, have you? Get in here!" When we were inside she lowered her gun and cackled like a witch and flipped her arm towards the basement door. "He's down in his room." She took a swig of whiskey out of a glass bottle. She was clearly wasted.

We ran downstairs to see the boy hanging from the rafter on his ceiling--like he was trying to hide or do pull-ups or something. Brice had gotten the drunk woman's gun somehow and was now pointing it at the boy. "Where is she?" The kid starting laughing and mad-rushed Brice quickly, somehow getting the gun out of his hand and pointing it at us in the same movement. He was schizophrenic, talking about crazy shit and muttering things. He reminded me of Kenny, this crazy guy from my high school. He had a sinister smile. "Let's go," he told us. His mom helped him tie our hands behind our backs and get us into a big brown station wagon. Then they took us to his friend's house. There was some sort of party going on there. It reminded me of a typical Midwestern wedding reception.

The kid left us at a table with food on it and went to another room, probably to do some drugs. He wasn't a very cautious captor. I saw Nikki, a good friend from high school, at the next table over. I hadn't seen her in five or more years. She smiled really big and came over to my table and we hugged. "What are you doing here?" she asked me. "This guy has taken us hostage," I told her. She rolled her eyes: "Yeah, he has me too." She said it the same annoyed sympathetic way she might've said, "Yeah, I'm on my period too." I was like, "What?! We have to get out of here, Nikki! He's not watching us, let's go." Nikki said, "Yeah, let's get out of here." Then she looked at me solemnly and said, "He's only fifteen, you know?"

I started laughing so hard. We'd been kidnapped by a child. It was too ridiculous. I woke up.

murderer!

I had a dream that I KILLED SOMEONE!! And it was my friend Aurora! We were on the beach. I don't remember how or why, I just know there was blood everywhere. Then I watched the burial of some undetermined person I saw get murdered, without feeling any remorse. The family was in tears and trying to figure out who did this to their son/brother. And I knew and I didn't tell them and I didn't even care.