updatin' and hatin'

All I remember from a dream a few nights ago is my supervisor from work saying, "it's okay, I smoke weed too."

Last night's was another one from a slasher movie. I was with Brice and two co-workers of mine at this old house in the country that resembled my dad's old house very much. We were walking around exploring the house and goofing off. One of the coworkers went out one of the windows on the second floor onto the roof and there was a bunch of barbed wire on the roof and he was fenced in and trapped in some way I cannot now explain. The three of us were in the yard looking up at him and he was laughing at first, then seriously trying to get down and we all realized he was trapped. Then I saw a man with his hands bound behind his back--he looked like he was sleeping. There was an apple on the roof a foot or so from his mouth. It was creepy.

We started panicking. One of the coworkers said, "Oh no!" and grabbed a huge tree trunk from somewhere. He threw it up on the roof and somehow broke through the barbed wire. "Come down!" He yelled at the other guy. The guy jumped down into the yard and at the very same instant the sleeping man's eyes flipped open and he started squirming out of his bondage towards us.

I realized at that instant that he was trying to kill us and now he was awake. "Shit! RUN! That guy is alive!!" I screamed, and we all ran to the car. The guy was really close on our tails, but we all made it to the car, panting and shaking. The psycho was throwing rocks at the car and running really fast, keeping up with us even though we had to be driving around 70 m.p.h. We got away.

Later on in the dream I was back at the house, getting a box of my things I just had to have (the house was somehow now my dad's old house...the logic of dreams, you know). I saw the box of my prized possessions that were apparently worth risking my life for. I felt brave even though I knew there was a serial killer in the house somewhere. I was being quiet and careful so he couldn't hear me. Then as I was leaving, I was aware I was making enough noise that he could hear me, and I heard him stirring in the room on the second floor. I ran out of the house as fast as I could with the box. There was some sort of complication that prevented me from getting into the car so I had to run down the street with the box in my hands. There was music playing as I left the house (all I can recall is a slow, steady drum beat). It got louder and all of a sudden caught up to me when I was halfway down the street and realized he was right behind me. I ran around someone's house into their backyard (this was in my old neighborhood in high school and lake lorraine was right there past every backyard). Opened their back door under their deck. It was dark and I was terrified it would be locked and thinking 'who the hell wouldn't lock their door?!' but it was unlocked and I ran up the stairs and locked the door to the basement. I heard the psycho go "hmmph."

It was exactly like a horror movie---the killer was determined, hellbent on catching me and stabbing the shit out of me. It was almost comical, his face pale, blank, stoic, yet dogged, set on one mission.

I was terrified. I woke up terrified, and it was dark outside.

jawsome

Last night's dream:

Conor Oberst was in my kitchen singing me songs!

I had somehow met Conor Oberst a while back. And I was bitching about my life as usual and he was frustrated about my whining and sat in my kitchen and belted out a song about how it made him feel. He was strumming and wailing and I forget the words but it was something like "She's always sad about it but you know she's just acting blah blah blah."

Fuckin' sweet.

whiskey cat

Last night's dream was a scrambled blur and I only remember parts of it.

In one part, I was at some sort of party with adults older than me whom I did not know. We were standing around in a room eating all kinds of good food and talking about how horrible it was that some girl had just died. The conversation was grim, but there was so much good food. I remember the texture of the chocolate pie I ate. I remember the fancy tapas. At one point I picked up a "fruit burrito" and thought it was very odd that a whole unpeeled orange was just sitting in a tortilla. I thought it was kinda trashy and lazy and against the general fanciness of the rest of the food. But I took it anyway, and walked into a room where my ex, his last girlfriend and some mutual friends of ours were sitting and talking. I said, "Hey guys, look--a fruit burrito!" and then the orange fell onto the floor and they started laughing at me and saying that I was pregnant with fruit and that I pooped fruit.

In the next part of the dream I was yelling at Brice for not fixing the water yet in our new kitchen. I was mad that he was just playing games and I couldn't get around to it because I was always at work and he could. We had a different house and we hadn't moved into the kitchen yet. There were two kitchens, but this one wasn't connected to the house--just a building outside like a detached garage.

The last thing I remember about the dream: a bunch of people and myself were sitting around in the kitchen/garage and laughing at my cat Neko because she was pawing things and knocking things over. It was so cute the delicate way that she touched things with her paws. Then she slowly poured some vodka into a shot glass. Yeah, my cat poured a shot. Then she knocked the shot glass over and the vodka spilled onto the floor and she beat the glass around with her paws. We were laughing wildly--in hysterics that the cat poured a shot just to knock over the glass and chase it.

lots more stairs

Last night's dream:

Kari was about to move to Ohio from Washmo so I drove out there so we could have one last hurrah. But I had to wait for her to get off work--she was waitressing in some fancy restaurant. So I sat down and ordered some coffee. Kari was chatting with me because the place wasn't too busy. The owner of the place came by and slapped her on the bum and said, "Get back to work, I'm not paying you to talk!" And Kari rolled her eyes and walked away. I was like, "Kari, what a creep, are you going to take that?!" and she just shrugged. In reality she would've never stood for that. But alas, it's a dream.

She told me the owner also lived in the place and that I should explore while I was waiting for her to get off work. I realized it was the strangest building ever. The tables were arranged on platforms that just kept going up and up. Kari walked up the stairs, filling peoples' coffee mugs as she ascended. She walked up so far up I couldn't see her anymore. I strained my neck looking up all those stairs, wondering where they went. I climbed them.

They were the steepest stairs I'd ever climbed in my life. They went on forever. It was much like climbing the Temple of the Sun in Teotihuacan only I was doing it very quickly. I was huffing and puffing when I got to the top. Up and away from the restaurant patrons below, I was in a very nice living room with cedar walls and floors and cozy looking rugs all over, and solar panels in the ceiling. There were bookshelves full of books and movies, puffy looking couches and chairs, a large television, and children's toys everywhere. I heard children running and screaming somewhere, and heard the pounding of their feet on the floor above. Sounded like they were playing tag. I marveled at how many floors there were. Then I saw an entrance leading into a foyer which contained two different staircases.

After much deliberation, I took the one on the right, with a plan to come back down and go up the left staircase later. The stairs were like the ones I'd climbed before only with lots of turns and twists. I kept thinking it had to be the tallest house ever. I got to another living area, this time with children's bunkbeds. Then I saw even more staircases. I was overwhelmed.

That is all I remember.

jack-o-lantern kidnapping!

In last night's dream I was babysitting.

It just Lowell and I, like it used to be when I sat on Wednesday mornings and Carl was at school. For some reason they had dogs, three of them (in reality they don't) and the dogs were talking.

I was reading Lowell some little cardboard books and he was laughing and squealing, making noises and pointing--just being a cutie as usual. I went to the bathroom and when I came back Lowell was gone. I flipped out and the dogs helped me look around the house for him. Then one of the dogs ran to the window and yelled, "Look, here he is!"

I ran to the window and looked out. Down in the road I saw a jack-o-lantern with an evil smile that was also a carriage being pulled by two black horses. Lowell was wobbling into it and the pumpkin was laughing cruelly. I screamed "NOO!!" then Lowell was gone and the jack-o-lantern was vanishing, with Lowell inside of it. My stomach dropped; I felt like I'd never get him back.

One of the dogs shouted, "It's a portkey! You have to find the pumpkin to get the baby back!" so I spent a long time searching around the house and outside for the pumpkin, following the sounds of its sinister laughter. George came home early, for lunch, and flipped out, saying not to call Devoney yet.

We searched everywhere and George was sweating and frantic, telling me he'd never allow me to sit for them again. But we finally found the pumpkin in the yard. As soon as I touched it, Lowell appeared, laughing and cooing.

Strange.

The Battle of Columbia

In my dream last night some Middle Eastern country's army (not sure which) had attacked Columbia and a battle was underway (LOL) and all the local media was panicking. Brice kept trying to leave--he wanted to join the army (LOL again). I kept yelling and pleading with him and yelling at him that I wouldn't let him go down there (triple LOL). And we kept arguing back and forth this way for quite a while but in the end my persistence and stubbornness won.

I was sitting with a group of people and saw some GIs. I asked them what was going on downtown but they just said, "Keep calm" and kept moving. I saw a freemason on a horse wearing all his official garb and regalia.

Then some people came running and screaming from the direction of downtown and we all knew then there was going to be an explosion and Brice started running and said "OH SHIT!" And we tried to search for the car keys so we could drive away but then

BOOM.

Kari Kills a Shark

Last night's dream: Kari and I were swimming at some water park and her dog Pup was with us. We were swimming in this big tank full of water when a lifeguard told us to get out, that there was a shark in the pool. It was pretty small for a shark, about the size of a marlin, and I thought it was harmless because it hadn't messed with us yet. It was still pretty scary though. It was a scary Jaws-style shark with sharp teeth, only in miniature.

We got out and then Pup ran over and attacked the shark, growling at it and trying to catch it. In reality, Pup is very protective of Kari, so I wasn't surprised. The shark jumped out of the water and bit Pup's throat and he died.

Kari went into a rage and started breathing very heavily. "I'm gonna kill that fucking shark if it's the last thing I do. It killed my fucking dog!!" She was screaming and crying and I was trying to calm her down. She ran to the pool with her swiss army knife and stabbed the shark.

She fried the shark and dipped it in chocolate for dinner that night, but I was so disgusted I couldn't eat it. I could see the shark's eyes through the chocolate coating.

two dreams about talking animals in two weeks!!

Last week I had a dream that Kari and I were riding our bikes near a river across from a huge city. It was pretty--there were huge skyscrapers and bridges and the water in the river was strangely ocean blue. But the weird thing was, Kari had tree branches sprouting out all over her body.

We rode our bikes under a bridge tagged with grafitti and encountered a growling dog. The dog attacked Kari and bit off some of her branches. She screamed and cried and we rode away on our bikes as fast as we could.

We rode up to a residential area and pulled into a driveway. There was a rabbit on the porch with its arm in a sling. It was a talking rabbit. A fucking talking rabbit. I asked it if we could come inside and use the phone. I thought maybe since the rabbit was injured, the people of the house would know how to help Kari out. They welcomed us warmly and gave Kari some bandages and aspirin, and gave us dinner. The rabbit got jealous that we were getting so much attention and jumped in my lap and started yelling at me. I called him insecure and an attention whore and he started shaking and crying and told me to shut up.


Yesterday's dream was blurrier but also involved an English-speaking animal. I was eating jello in some cabin in the woods and a wolf came to the door and asked if he could have some. I told him no, this was my jello and he got so angry he started shaking. He turned towards the woods, then turned around and said, "Well, it's not going to be just me who knows you have jello. I'm going to tell every wolf in the woods about your jello. Hahahahaa!!" I was like "NOOOOO!!!" then I woke up.



WTF? I haven't eaten jello since like 1989 and don't really want to eat any...so why would I dream about it?

It was terrible. My grandma died and an old professor had to tell me about it. I couldn't find the strength to cry though. The grieving hadn't set in yet.

The professor decided to take me out for the day to help keep my mind off of it. We went to a carnival type gathering and there was a "coffin ride." You lay in a coffin, lid shut, then you rise up through the ground at a high speed and pop up and scare the other carnival goers. The professor impressed me with her knowledge of mechanical contraptions, asking the carney what type of engine the ride had, asking if we would be safe. I remember feeling a quirky admiration for my professor--just seeing a woman who knew about engines was rare.

Then we lied in the coffin and I woke up.

I had a dream that I found my wallet under a pile of clothes. In reality, it's missing.

Then I was at a dinner table with some people I didn't know. A man at the table got up and went outside. I went to the window to watch him. He beat and killed an elderly woman and I started screaming. He came back in the house and I ran upstairs. Then he killed his young son. I was shaking and crying, in disbelief. He did it all so non-chalantly.

The dinner group called me to the table. I came in the room and called him a monster. Then I woke up.

Maybe it's because I'm reading Crime and Punishment for my book club. Hmpphh...

Why oh god why?!

I'm glad no one except me reads this blog, because the last dream I remember having was disgusting and non-sensical.

I was having sex with my boyfriend and noticed some mole-like bumps on his --ahem--private area. I was like, "Wait, baby stop, what are those?"

All of a sudden my Grandma walks into the room and flips her hand. "Those are normal, Lissa," she tells me.

I look at them closer and decide they are a normal part of the male dermatitis.

My Grandma leaves the room and my boyfriend and I continue our romp.

Hmmm. Gross.